Sherilyn Moore is the Chief Marketing Officer of Building Hope and a creative and focused communicator, leader and career coach.
We wouldn't dream of throwing a dangerous weapon like a chainsaw into a friendly match, even though it certainly produces things, but let's not talk about our most powerful verbal weapons (or weapons). Words require respect, understanding, and gratitude if we are to harness their power for good.
When I teach in college, I advise students to be a little more proactive in their expressions. They turn to a little obscure book called a thesaurus that turns many away from clear and creative ways of communication. A student comedy, like a cheap romance novel, turns "the blue-eyed mermaid" into a blue-eyed, blonde-haired "goddess whose sword-like claws dive. Into a sea of pink." Another similar crime that turned a "happy boy" into a "drunken cherub." Although it's a cheeky name for a pub, it doesn't really represent a smiling boy.
We've found that you can't say "hot" and expect to get it, so leave it where it is and expect improvement. Relaxing by the one-hundred-degree desert resort pool was a no-brainer. We can feel the heat from the pavement if we imagine the 100 degrees that leave a Minnesota student bus stranded in the desert for miles with no cell service.
These innocuous misnomers illustrate a communication problem that plagues us every day. Conflicts arise when we think others define words the way we do.
Take the word "pro". Does it mean wearing a gray suit and fancy shoes? Is this a song line? Is it about perfecting Barbie's perfect corporate personality?
As a former college English professor, former financial services executive, former Hollywood writer and producer, former real estate and project management consultant, former executive president, former CEO and current CMO, I have received many accolades. About what a "professional" looks and feels like.
I have tried to "dress appropriately" throughout my career. I once swapped my heels for cowboy boots when I went to a meeting. "No one cares about your shoes," my husband said. I was a newly transplanted "hippie" from California who needed to convince small town politicians that I wasn't a threat and that my company could be an integral part of society. During the meeting, when I crossed my legs to show off my boots and my long skirt fell to the floor, Top Dog thanked them. I glared at my friend. My choice of dress worked.
My words, presentation and delivery to the group were realistic, compelling and beautifully entertaining. If I show up barefoot in yoga pants, will she go too? Would it be helpful if I chose a word about the projection of positive energy to uplift the community rather than the economic impact of adopting our project?
Words are clothes that our thoughts and ideas wear. We must choose not only with our goals in mind, but with consideration and respect for others.
I remember talking about literature with my classmates in high school. The $10 word rally was rushed to look like the smartest word in the room. "Voice" is intentional. Some of the longer expressions were more familiar and the shorter ideas were often more brilliant. In business, acronyms and jargon are seen as ponies, but deeper understanding often remains in the mud.
My definition of "pro" is being good at what you do. It is to be adaptable, flexible and intelligent without compromising the overall mission to achieve the objectives effectively and efficiently and to interact with others productively and respectfully. For others it is different and as professionals it is our duty to arrive at a common definition.
So how can we ensure that we are using our words as effective communication tools rather than as extinguishing tools?
1. Define your words. Be unique. Don't think "everyone should understand" why they don't do it. In your own words, the team is "committed to creating a 360-degree customer experience." What does "participation" mean to you? What is "customer experience"? "Participation" sounds simple, but does it mean you're pulling resources from another project? Is it just a slogan and if so do we need a new one?
2. Respect words and orders. Ask your group members to find out for themselves what these words mean to them. If you do this out loud in a group, everyone will probably be scrambling to end the meeting quickly.
3. Adapt to understand. Read the answers aloud and discuss how to choose explanatory words. Make sure you understand exactly what it means, what it looks like, and what to do by asking and listening.
This process takes time, but I find it more effective in the long run.
What if you think "being accountable" means working weekends, but your team takes priority over other work goals? You're alone in the office on a Saturday and you're faced with a tray of lattes and you wonder where everyone is.
Communication problems are at the root of many conflicts, and words are a powerful tool and weapon. Choose them carefully, define them and tailor them to your target audience or group to better understand and respect them.
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